APA President
06-03-2008, 04:13 PM
There is probably nothing that we are more passionate about than our children. Anyone spending time on a site like this and in the forums like this is interested in doing the best for their children.
The "best" for one family may easily look different than the "best" for another family, but neither best represents more love or better parenting than the other.
There is no doubt that there is a tremendous opportunity for feelings to get hurt. 1) We are passionate individuals who love our children, 2) we are missing the 60 to 70% of the meaning of a message which is usually determined by tone, facial expression and body language, 3) we tend to talk in generalities (which lumps people together) and 4) we tend to talk in absolutes (although usually not our meaning). Collectively, these things create the opportunity for easy debates, arguments, misunderstanding, and hurt feelings.
Unfortunately, the AP and T parenting styles have so many different facets that involve passionate differing beliefs. Much of these beliefs are grounded in theory and philosophy versus solid research. Similarly, many of the benefits or concerns are lacking operational definitions. All this only adds to the potential for arguing, debating and hurt feelings.
As you have heard stated numerous times, these are support and educational forums. If you do not have something positive to add in support of the topic at hand, then please choose to not post. When someone posts something like, "When is the best time to..." and you don't do that - you don't need to post "I don't do that."
It seems that the "debates" just tend to rear their heads more in these rooms. We expected it when they were first created, and it did settle down as we expected, but unfortunately they just keep coming back. Accordingly, the moderators are going to start trying to tighten things with quicker warnings or closing of threads in these rooms versus hoping that things work themselves out. Please avoid threads like, "I don't want to start a debate, but..." or "Why do people ....?.
The intent is to have more APer mods watching that room and more Ter mods watching that room to reduce the chances for some one to feel that they are being mistreated. This does not mean that any/all mods won't be moderating the rooms. Almost all actions of regular members are discussed in the mod room before anything is done.
The "best" for one family may easily look different than the "best" for another family, but neither best represents more love or better parenting than the other.
There is no doubt that there is a tremendous opportunity for feelings to get hurt. 1) We are passionate individuals who love our children, 2) we are missing the 60 to 70% of the meaning of a message which is usually determined by tone, facial expression and body language, 3) we tend to talk in generalities (which lumps people together) and 4) we tend to talk in absolutes (although usually not our meaning). Collectively, these things create the opportunity for easy debates, arguments, misunderstanding, and hurt feelings.
Unfortunately, the AP and T parenting styles have so many different facets that involve passionate differing beliefs. Much of these beliefs are grounded in theory and philosophy versus solid research. Similarly, many of the benefits or concerns are lacking operational definitions. All this only adds to the potential for arguing, debating and hurt feelings.
As you have heard stated numerous times, these are support and educational forums. If you do not have something positive to add in support of the topic at hand, then please choose to not post. When someone posts something like, "When is the best time to..." and you don't do that - you don't need to post "I don't do that."
It seems that the "debates" just tend to rear their heads more in these rooms. We expected it when they were first created, and it did settle down as we expected, but unfortunately they just keep coming back. Accordingly, the moderators are going to start trying to tighten things with quicker warnings or closing of threads in these rooms versus hoping that things work themselves out. Please avoid threads like, "I don't want to start a debate, but..." or "Why do people ....?.
The intent is to have more APer mods watching that room and more Ter mods watching that room to reduce the chances for some one to feel that they are being mistreated. This does not mean that any/all mods won't be moderating the rooms. Almost all actions of regular members are discussed in the mod room before anything is done.