Losing my mind

[Amber143]

You guys are going to get really sick of me and my stupid paranoia, I just know it.

I'm freaking out. I'm all but ready to knock down my doctor's door, demanding that he see me earlier than the 25th. I'm just paranoid that something is wrong, and that's making me even more paranoid because the last time I thought something was wrong, it actually WAS and we ended up finding out 4 weeks later that our baby had died. I've written my doctor an email asking if there's anyway I can go in for a mini-check up, but he hasn't gotten back to me yet. I know I'm sounding crazy, but I can't help it.

Right now I'm having a really hard time separating my paranoia from my true feelings. I don't know for sure if I'm scared that something is wrong because I REALLY feel something is wrong, or because I'm scared that I'm going to have a repeat of last time.

Its times like this that I question my sanity for wanting to go through this another time. What if I'm right and something really IS wrong? I don't think I can take it again.

[JillB]

I'm sorry you're feeling all the anxiousness and worry - I think we all have a rough time in the beginning until things get more confirmed. Have you had blood work yet? I would think at the least they'd let you go in for some repeat lab work to give you your HCg levels - with that you could at least see if your numbers were increasing appropriately.

I know I didn't have an u/s appointment until late in my 6th week since that was the absolute earliest my Dr. said we'd be able to see the baby and heartbeat. So, they may not have you be seen earlier for that simply to save you from the needless worry of not seeing anything this early.

If you haven't already, I'd definitely ask for bloodwork - especially since you've had a previous loss they should understand that you need a little medical confirmation to help start putting your mind at ease.

[altigger74]

It shouldn't matter if it's your gut feeling or just scared, you should be seen anyway. Force it, be a pain that's the only way it will make you happy or find out if there is a problem. With a history of problems they shouldn't hesitate to see you.

If I had been pushier and had them do an ultra sound on me then we would have seen the IC.

[Amber143]

Thanks Jill. I'll bring that up to my doctor. Hopefully he'll understand- especially since he's the same doctor I had with the last one and he knows what I've been through first hand.

[Ga Girl]

In medicine, the "whole" patient ideally should be treated. Part of you being his patient is to give you OB/GYN care but to also help you in what is obviously a stressful yet joyous time in your life. Talk to him directly and tell him how you are feeling, ask him how you both could come to terms on what will make YOU feel better....if its mini visit in between your regular, ok.....just tell him/her what you need. If your Dr is good, they will comply ;)

[learningasigo]

I don't blame you one bit for feeling the way you do. As long as your doctor understands your feelings, he should be more accomodating and allow you an earlier appointment.

I hope you can get in soon!

[Contrary]

I agree you should been seen earlier if you think there is a problem, but there isn't going to be much doc can do at 5w. Perhaps try to reschedule for 7w when there's a possibility something can be seen on a U/S, and ask for a few beta HCG draws in the meantime.

I totally sympathize with you, I KNEW something was wrong with my last pregnancy, I called daily for a couple of weeks begging for an earlier appointment, or to have HCG levels done. The nurse blew me off, sure enough, first appointment at 12w....there were problems, I lost the baby at 13w.

Trust your gut, but be fair and realize the doc can't do or see anything at this point, so likely the only thing he can really offer is HCG levels.

[Amber143]

I contacted the doctor- AGAIN- so hopefully he'll get back to me. I told him that I want to at least have my HCG levels checked, so hopefully he'll go along with it. I just really don't want to wait until my appt. on the 25th, find out something happened, and then spend Thanksgiving in the hospital, ya know?

[Amber143]

I FINALLY talked with a nurse today. She's forwarding my info and emails to the doctor (he's off today), so hopefully I'll hear something from him tomorrow. She said she'll suggest blood work sometime this week or next to check my levels and maybe then I'll be able to relax. I really hope so. *fingers crossed*